I usually feel a lot of emotion, I am just a sensitive person but tonight was a doozy. I have such a heavy heart from watching Long Island Medium. I see people on that show, as well as have friends and family that have endured such pain that one could never even fathom. Losing a child, mother, best friend, sister, brother, uncle, jeesh. It's just all a very overwhelming feeling the vulnerability of us all. My friend Riley lost her sister last year. I remember having lunch with her and she was telling me how her sister was pregnant at the same time as me. Just knowing that her daughters are with out their mother and Riley with out her big sister just is heart wrenching really. I have lost grandparents, uncles, aunts and loved ones but to feel the lost of a sibling, mother, or child would be unbearable.If only shedding tears resulted into shedding pounds. I think I cried the whole two hours.
I'm starving. My diet is going well, I lost 2 lbs so far. I'm happy with that for the first week. If I keep that up in 15 weeks, I will have lost 30 lbs. I am aiming to lose more each week in order to win! I started working out every day and I stopped drinking pop. I really need to focus on eating better and I'm sure it will come off. I can't stop eating chocolate and I have a feeling if I did I would be much happier with the results :)
I wish I would have known myself more long ago. It's not I have much regret it but I feel weird saying this but sometimes it feels like I'm not being as true to my self as I could be. Do I feel exposed? Vulnerable? In so many different ways. I just need to stop wondering and know the choices I make are the right ones. I'm not sure why I seek so much validation in my life, I'm always second guessing myself. I guess I just take comfort in knowing others opinion of me are positive ones. Most times it just inspires me to achieve my goals but other times hinders my ability to move on. That probably only makes sense to me.
Music helps a lot though. And just knowing that everyone is human and they make the choices they do because of the lenses of experiences they have faced or not faced. I feel like a lot of times I have the answer but I am so torn up and letting it take my energy but sometimes the energy makes for something amazing but other times it just makes me insecure.
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